I wonder what's keeping him.
You wouldn't be in a hurry either if you'd been fired, would you?
The Reverend Fallon was not fired.
Look, here comes his daughter.
This morning my father was to have delivered his farewell sermon to you,
but he has been ill, as you all know,
and today he cannot be with you.
But he dictated his sermon to me, as he has done for so many years.
I have it here, and I'm going to read it to you.
"Friends, I leave you today after a score of years in this church
as a servant of the Lord, to whom I pray
that he may let words of my mouth
and troubled meditations of my heart be acceptable in his sight.
I have baptized many of you in the Lord's grace,
a few of you I have joined together in marriage,
and over the bodies of some of your loved ones,
I have spoken the beautiful, triumphant victory
that comes with the Lord's salvation.
I would dearly love to stay as your pastor for the rest of my years,
for I had hoped to live and die at this pulpit.
But you have seen fit to call another,
a younger man to guide and serve you.
And though I leave you, I do not leave the Lord.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
When the heart is thirsty, there is drink in the Testaments:
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth... "
That's as far as he got.
This is his farewell message to you.
You see that he stopped in the middle of a sentence.
My father is dead.
He died in my arms 5 minutes ago,
before he could finish his message to you,
but I'm gonna finish it for him. Miss Fallon,
the news you bring is painful, but I hardly think it proper...
You're the head deacon of this church, Mr. Simpson,
and I want you to listen to what I have to say,
because it's your clique that started all this trouble.
Leave if you like.
My father preached to empty hearts. I don't mind talking to empty pews.
My father is dead, and you killed him!
You crucified him just as surely as He was crucified.
He died of disappointment, of heartbreak, of ingratitude.
He gave his life to serve you and when he was old and worn
you threw him out.
You all came to this church in automobiles. He always had to walk.
He didn't even leave enough money, after 20 years of service to you,
- to buy a burial in a decent cemetery. - There, there.
This is not the time nor place to speak of such things,
and I must ask you to remember you are in the house of God...
What God? Whose God? Yours?
This isn't the house of God, this is a meeting place for hypocrites.
You're out of your head, and I, for one, will not listen to such...
Well, go on, get out!
You've been running this church, but I'm gonna run it for the next hour.
I'm gonna preach the sermon my father should have preached.
The Bible says the labourer is worthy of his hire.
But you wouldn't pay your pastor what you pay your chauffeurs.
I've worked for you too, without pay.
I've served you by helping him, and you've got to listen to me.
I don't have to make any notes either.
I was brought up on the Bible, and I know it by heart.
I'm gonna take my text this morning
from chapter 23 of the Gospel of Matthew.
And I say unto you as Christ said to the scribes and Pharisees,
"Woe unto you hypocrites, for you devour widows' homes,
and for a pretence make long prayers. "
You're crazy, woman. Get out of that pulpit!
You're crazy, yourself. Give it to them. I'm with you, Florence!
Who among you is poor in spirit?
Who among you mourns?
Which of you is merciful and humble?
Some of you have listened to my father for 20 years,
and you can't remember one word he said to you, but you'll remember this:
You subscribe to temperance,
and I can tell you the names of your bootleggers.
You pretend to be decent. I know which of you are cheating
wives and husbands.
Shall I call out your names?
What are you running away from? Are you afraid of the truth?
Is that why you got rid of my father?
You are thieves, killers, adulterers, blasphemers and liars
six days a week.
And on the seventh day, you are hypocrites.
Go on, get out, all of you!
Get out, so I can open these windows
and let some fresh air into this church.
Attababy! Attababy!
- What do you want? - Believe it or not,
I'm waiting for a train to take me out of this town. Hornsby is the name.
I blew in this town by accident.
And I don't mind telling you that I was thinking what you just said.
This trip looked like a double zero to me,
but I've got a hunch that it won't be a blank, after all.
I'd like to have a talk with you, Sister.
Leave me alone. Get out of here.
Pardon me for horning in, Sister.
I heard you say there wasn't money enough left
to give the reverend a decent burial.
I'm pretty well-heeled, and if you'll let me...
No, thanks, I can manage.
Don't get me wrong.
I know I've got no right to crash in here at a time like this.
But if there's anything I can do...
Have you sent for your people?
I haven't any people.
That's tough.
I know how you feel.
What are your plans?
I haven't any plans.
Gee, you were sure great out there.
But you were knocking your head against a stone wall.
So was your father.
What did it get you?
What did it get him?
After what you slipped them in the church a while ago,
I don't suppose you wanna hang around here, do you?
Where do you figure on going? Oh, I don't know.
Please go. There's nothing you can do.
Well, sorry.
Thought I might be able to help, that's all.
Thanks for being so kind.
You should listen to me because we're both in the same boat.
I've got no plans either.
No profession, no belief and no limit.
But I have got one thing:
A way to get along.
And it works.
You think you beat those people out there just now, don't you?
Well, you didn't. They beat you.
There's only one way to lick a mob. Join them.
Now, wait a minute, Sister. Let me finish.
You're not a hypocrite if you admit it.
The thing is, be on the winning side. Play percentage.
Most of the trouble in this world comes from people who have convictions.
The answer is, don't have any.
If you have none, you can assume the ones that happen to pay.
You're sore at those people because they fired your old man,
and it killed him. You wanna get back at them, don't you?
Well, I can tell you how to do it,
and get famous and get rich and what's more...
get even.
- Interested? - I'm listening.
Okay, now let's get organized.
First of all, what do you know? You know the Bible by heart.
You can pull nifties out of it like raisins.
Your old man was a preacher.
And you've got hot spiel in your blood.
It was born in you. You've got to do something with it, don't you?
Now religion's like everything else. It's great if you can sell it,
no good if you give it away. Now, let me prove it to you.
And I bring you the promise and pledge
that God's in his heaven, and all's right with the world.
Oh, my dear ones, I can't see you,
but I can feel you all around me.
Thousands and thousands of you tuning in on Station G-O-D, God,
on a wavelength that carries his blessed words
to the furthermost reaches of the universe.
Just as the little microphone before me
carries my voice to your ears...
Mrs. Johnson!
Do you mind turning that radio down a bit?
The Lord broadcast to you on a universal wavelength
that penetrates the hearts and souls
of those who are ready for his program.
I come to you with a joyous message...
- Come in. - It's me, Mrs. Higgins.
Give me a minute to catch my breath, Mr. John.
Some mail for you.
Letter or parcel?
Parcel.
But you never can tell a book by the cover, I always say.
I'll open it for you.
It's the songs. They've come back again.
There's a letter too.
It's from the Ziegler Music Corporation, Songs that Sell.
- "Dear Mr. Carson... " - I know, I know.
"We regret that they're unsuitable for our present needs
and are returning them herewith. Thanking you," and so forth, and so forth.
That's right.
They're always nice about it, anyway.
- That's from Ziegler, you said? - Yes.
Well, we've sent them out from A to Z.
After Z, what?
X, Y, Z... Nothing.
Well, here goes nothing.
Now, you mustn't get too discouraged.
Oh, what makes you think I'm discouraged?
I know what would cheer you up:
A good cup of coffee.
Now, you sit right there while I go and make it for you.
You've been pretty nice to me, Mrs. Higgins.
I'll remember you in my will.
I'll be dead and gone long before you make your will.
The trouble with most people is, they're quitters. They're yellow.
The moment they're put to any sort of test, they cave in.
The difference between a man and a jellyfish
is the fact that a man has backbone.
What did God give him a backbone for?
To stand up on his feet.
That's what real men do.
Beethoven wrote his greatest symphony when he was deaf.
Oscar Wilde wrote his greatest poem in jail.
And Milton, a blind man, gave us Paradise Lost.
It's easy to forgive sinners, but it's hard to forgive quitters.
God has a plan... - What are you laughing at?
I'm laughing at you, for telling me that nothing comes after Z.
Well, what does come after Z?
- A. - A? A what?
A good punch in the nose for being such a wet blanket.
Me?
I've been thinking.
It came over me like a flash.
I'll tell you, "A what. "
A wife.
Now, you leave me alone.
I've been meaning to speak to you about it before.
I only wish meself I was about 30 years younger.
Who's that coon shouter that broadcasts over the radio every day?
Coon shouter?
Oh, do you mean Sister Fallon?
Yeah. Have you ever seen her?
Oh, who hasn't seen her?
Well...
what's she like?
Oh, she's that marvellous and wonderful...
You can't hardly describe her.
Good evening. Good evening.
I'm glad we came early. It's the early bird that catches the worm,
I always say. I always say.
Good evening. Two?
Right this way.
Thank you.
When do they bring on the elephants?
Don't be sacrimonious.
That's great, everybody, that's the spirit.
Now, we just have time for one more song before the service begins.
Number 14, everybody.
Gee, I wish I had some peanuts.
I always say. Shh!
It looks like we stand them up again tonight.
Give me a match.
Hey, nix, Mr. Hornsby. The fire inspectors will raise...
I'll take care of the fire inspectors.
It's your funeral.
Go on, hit it.
Okay, pull the curtain.
Is she blond or brunette?
Stand by with those guns.
Don't let anything happen to Sister.
He sure does take care of his meal ticket, doesn't he?
The grace of our Lord be with you all.
Amen.
Dearly beloved,
all you meek of the earth,
all you that labour and are heavy-laden,
I come here to lift the heavy loads from your hearts.
All you that thirst and hunger,
I come here to feed your famished souls.
I stand here in a den which is a cage of fear,
behind these bars which are the bars of doubt.
I stand here among beasts that tear and destroy,
and behold, they cannot hurt me. For I am...
She's going great tonight. Hitting on all six. Hot dog!
- As Daniel said unto Darius,
my God has sent an angel,
and has shut the lion's mouth.
And I say unto you, there is not a single soul among you
these beasts can hurt, if you come into this cage
with love and understanding in your heart.
Who among you will prove there is no fear in God's kingdom?
What man, what woman?
Step up, somebody. Anybody.
Isn't there one among you who trusts the Almighty?
Didn't my Lord deliver Daniel?
Why not every man?
What's the matter with that guy Collins? Hasn't he shown up tonight?
You paid him last night, didn't you? Well?
- On the booze again, eh? - Sure.
He's dead drunk.
Hallelujah! Why not every man?
Don't you know that the lions can't hurt you if you have faith?
I know it, you know it. But do the lions know it?
Isn't there one here who will take the Almighty's dare?
What's the matter with these people?
Are they gonna leave her flat?
Where are you going?
I always wanted to run away and join a circus.
Praise the Lord, there's a brother with faith.
- The lions will eat you. - No, they won't. I've got a murad.
Usher, show that man this way.
Right this way, sir.
Beg your pardon?
She's trying to tell you I'm blind.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
Oh, dear, I hope nothing will happen to him.
Oh, I'm sure nothing will happen to him while Sister's there.
Come right in, brother. Don't be afraid. These beasts won't hurt you.
I'm more afraid of you than I am of the lions.
Oh, bless you, brother.
Here, sit right here.
Who's that mug?
Where did we get him?
He's one of the town boys. Used to be an aviator.
- Is he really blind? - Yeah. Blind as a bat.
I wonder how much he'd want for that.
How long have you been blind? How did it happen?
I joined the Army to see the world.
What's your name?
Well, I guess it ought to be Daniel.
Oh, it's glorious to see belief like this.
A blind man has come into this cage because he has faith.
Oh, didn't my Lord deliver Daniel?
Hallelujah!
Blessed are the blind who cannot see fear.
O ye that see, have the faith of this blind boy.
He answered the call of his God
to come up here among the beasts of prey,
just as he answered the call of his country
to go among the beasts of war in France.
Hallelujah, my people! - Hallelujah!
Bless you, my friends.
I thank the Lord that you are here, for I love every one of you,
and particularly this blind boy, who shames us all
with a shining example of faith.
And I would take you into my arms
and whisper in your ear the sweet secret of salvation.
Hallelujah!
Outside of this temple, the pulse of the world beats with hate.
Hate!
But here within, there is a heartbeat of love.
I want you to join hands.
Right where you're sitting, join hands, everybody.
That's right, brothers. That's right, sisters.
It doesn't make any difference whose hands you grab.
Take the nearest to you.
I want an unbroken chain of love in this tent tonight.
I want you to be one, not many.
One with me, and one with God.
I want you to turn to one another and smile.
Smile and let love and sunshine into your hearts.
There now, don't you feel better already?
Faith.
You have shown it, brother, by coming up here with me tonight.
And I solemnly promise that the day will come
when your faith will be rewarded.
The Lord will deliver you as he delivered Daniel.
He will open up your eyes, and you shall see again.
Sister, will you put that in writing?
Why, it is in writing.
It's in the Holy Book. It's in every word, in every page of it.
You have shown faith, and you shall see again.
Hallelujah!
Hey, who's dead?
Nobody, but I'll bet some of us are gonna be pretty sick
before the day's over.
Did Hornsby send for you too? Yeah.
If he bawls me out, I'll quit.
- I'll bet you will. - Me too.
That ain't half of it. Wait till he starts...
The crummiest crew of come-ons I ever hired.
Here I am, breaking my neck to get crowds,
and we're packing them in to the rafters. And what good does it do?
Night after night I keep telling you,
"Be up on your lines! Know your stuff!
And when you get on that platform to testify, mean it!
Mean it!"
You told me you were an A-number-one cripple.
And when I put you on, I promised you you could limp yourself into a Rolls-Royce.
- Boss, I... - Why, you couldn't limp yourself
into a pair of roller skates.
A week ago you slipped up on your cue to walk into the lion's den.
- Tonight you missed your cue again. - I didn't hear it!
Well, hear this: If it happens again, you're fired.
And you're supposed to be a widow,
bereaved of all her loved ones, alone in the world.
You told me you had ten years in stock and could knock them over.
- Oh, I... I can, Mr. Hornsby. - Sure you can. With your breath.
You nearly knocked me over tonight.
You know as well as I do that hiccups and hallelujahs won't mix.
What happened to you tonight, Brown? You acted like a dummy.
Well, I'm supposed to be paralyzed.
Yeah, but not from the neck up.
And you. I suppose you're going to say
I was paralyzed too. - You can't paralyze ivory.
We cook up a sob routine for you that would melt a mountain.
And you pull it like you're reading out of a telephone book.
How do you expect to get the hang of the trade with your mush full of gum?
Bernhardt couldn't do it, and you ain't Bernhardt.
You ain't even one of the Cherry Sisters.
I want action on that platform! I want sincerity and pep.
How do you expect the customers to believe it if you don't?
Sister gets them all hot and bothered, reaching for the clouds.
Then you punks step up, and they start grabbing for their hats.
They go to sleep on you. Now, if you people wanna eat regularly,
you'd better digest what I just told you.
Now evaporate, you misfits.
Get into character!
I don't know what I'm gonna do with those mugs.
Why don't you get rid of them.
Now, Flo, I told you time and time again,
we can't carry on a business like this without shills.
Sure you can.
Do you know why we always slow up at the finish?
Because those come-ons don't do their stuff right.
No, it's because I don't do my stuff right.
They're fakes, Bob, and I know they're fakes.
It makes me feel like one. And then I'm no good.
How do you mean? Oh, I don't know.
Well, all I know is this: When I'm out there talking to those people,
I've got to make it seem real, or I can't put it over.
You've got me worried.
You're beginning to fall for your own ballyhoo.
And that's bad.
Why don't you take a tip out of your Bible where it says:
"Don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. "
Do you know why we're sitting on top of the world right now?
Because we're professionals and not amateurs.
You can't get along without shills.
How much did you pay that blind man that came in the cage last week?
Oh, that guy.
Say, we'd starve to death if we waited for people like that to come up.
It takes plenty of money to run a tabernacle.
Do you know how much it costs us to grease the politicians
to allow us to operate in this old barn?
- No, and I don't wanna know. - That's right.
I don't want you to worry your head about those things.
That's my end of it.
Say, what's eating you, kid?
You've got everything you want.
No, I haven't. I feel like exhibit A.
I never go anyplace. I never get a chance to meet people.
Why, you meet thousands of people.
Oh, I don't mean that way.
What are you watching me for all the time?
I can't go around the corner without somebody being with me.
That's only for your own protection.
You've got to remember who you are. We've worked up a trademark.
We've got to watch our step.
Well, that doesn't mean I have to be a prisoner all the time, does it?
Oh, now, honey, you're tired.
You've got to go home and go to bed.
I don't wanna go to bed. I couldn't sleep anyhow.
Say, there's a carnival in town, a lot of old pals of mine.
I'll get them together, and we'll have a lot of laughs.
Laughs.
I've almost forgotten how. You'll learn all over again tonight.
Say, where shall we go?
- How about my apartment? - Oh, I don't care.
Anyplace, anyplace at all. That's right.
You just leave it to your old pal Hornsby.
Now, you've been working too hard, honey.
You've been giving those apple-knockers too much for their money.
Now you take a nice little nap,
and Daddy will take off your shoes.
I'll get the clowns together...
and we'll make whoopee.
I'm crazy about you when you're mad, baby.
You look more beautiful.
Hello, chief! Hello, Sister! Go right ahead. Don't mind me.
No see-ee, no hear-ee and no speak-ee.
I know what you're gonna say,
"No think-ee. " - What do you want?
Just been checking over last night's sucker list.
And folks, when we leave this burg,
we're gonna own everything but next year's wheat crop.
How many times have I told you to lay off talking business when Sister's around.
I didn't think you'd object if I was telling her good news.
I object to anybody telling her anything.
And don't come in here again without knocking.
What's on your mind?
Well, as your general sales manager,
I beg to report that since we've installed a new system
of not taking any filthy money in the tabernacle,
but giving the saps the high pressure the next day at home,
I've more than doubled the take-in.
Yeah? By the time you get yours,
we don't get any more than we used to get when we passed the hat around.
It's costing us too much. Is that so?
Well, you may be working for the Lord, brother. But I'm working for Bill Welford.
I've got 20 chiselers on my staff, and I have to split my commission with them.
You may think I'm getting too much, but I don't think 20 percent is enough.
You're crazy.
You seem to forget we're collecting that money to build a tabernacle.
I know, I know, that's what I tell them too.
The trouble with you, Welford, is you're too mercenary.
Now, come on over to my joint and meet some carnival cuties.
They'll make you forget all about money.
Oh, is that so?
They'll never make you forget about it.
- Sister? - "Sister"?
I'm sorry.
Oh, my goodness.
Lew! Lew!
Could you help a lady in distress?
My car is parked across the street, and my chauffeur's asleep.
I wonder if you'd be good enough to run over there
and ask him to drive up here.
- Why, I... - Here, do you mind?
I'm sorry, I... Oh, all right. Don't bother.
Lew!
Sure, I'd be glad to.
Please.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Forgive me. You see, I didn't recognize you.
Here, you must let me give you a lift.
Oh, no. Please don't bother.
I'll be all right, there's a bus on the corner.
No, now, you wait right here, and I'll be back. Now, wait.
- Lew! Lew! - Yes.
You see that man walking down the street?
Yes, ma'am.
Pull up ahead of him. Right there.
Taxi, mister? I'm all right, thanks.
- The rain won't hurt me. - Neither will I. Come on.
Hey, wait for me.
That's as near as I can get to Sir Walter Raleigh.
- Well, the hat is a bit large. - Riding with you
gave me a swelled head. Thank you.
Wait for me, Lew! I better take...
I better take you back to the car.
Well, if you do, I'll only have to bring you back here again.
Oh, I've been trouble enough.
Listen, Sir Walter Raleigh wouldn't leave a woman out in the rain
- on a night like this, would he? - Well, it's four flights up.
- The elevator isn't running. - You know something?
I never use elevators. They make me terribly dizzy.
Come on.
Here it is. Running water, steam heat.
On a fine day, you can see clear across the alley.
May I take off your hat and look across the alley?
Oh, but all kidding aside, I know I'm keeping you from going someplace.
You told me yourself you were all dressed up.
Oh, I am, but I haven't anyplace to go.
- Absolutely? - Positively, Mr. Shean.
Hey, you're terribly anxious to get rid of me, aren't you?
I must be an awful bore.
Oh, no, no. Do stay. Sit down. I'll make you a cup of tea.
Let me take off your coat.
I should say, let me take off my coat.
Oh, excuse me. I might give you a little light.
Oh, how will you have your tea? With lemon or...
- lemon? - Lemon, please.
Well, the kettle's on. That's good.
What'll I do now?
I'm sort of rusty at entertaining, especially ladies.
Outside of Mrs. Higgins, you're the only woman that's come up here.
And who's Mrs. Higgins? Oh...
It's me, Mrs. Higgins.
Oh, excuse me.
Oh, I didn't know you had company. I'll be leaving in a minute.
Mrs. Higgins, this is Sister Fallon.
Oh, sure.
And I suppose you're Saint John, and I'm Martha Washington.
Say, you do look like Sister, for a fact.
But I happen to know Sister's voice as well as her face.
So speak up, and I'll tell you if you're Sister or not.
- Mrs. Higgins... - Go on, say a few words.
Eenie, meenie, minie, mo.
Land's sakes! You are Sister Fallon.
Oh, and me being so fresh and all.
But I'm so used to seeing you in flowing white robes.
Why didn't you tell me she was Sister?
Still waters run deep, I always say.
Oh, gracious, I was that excited I nearly forgot what I came up for.
There's a package for you.
I'll open it.
For land's sake!
Whatever is it?
Oh, what did you have to bring that up now for?
- It's me, Mrs. Higgins. - Yes, but what's it for?
Nothing. Someone gave it to me.
Perhaps it'll come in handy as a chaperon.
Chaperon?
Oh, two's company and three's a crowd, I always say.
- Good night, Sister. - Good night.
- Good night, Mr. John. - Good night.
You mustn't mind her.
Why don't you come and sit down here by the fire.
I want you to know I don't approve of their selling that clay thing.
What made you get it, anyway?
Well, I wanted to know what you look like.
Yes, but how could you?
You used to be an aviator, didn't you?
Oh, well,
that was so long ago, I really don't remember much about it.
What'll we do now?
- Who plays the piano? - Well, I do, when no one's around.
Say, would you like to hear some real good music?
I'd love to.
Allow me to present my two friends:
Pagliacci the clown, and Sambo the hoofer.
Now, what would you like to hear? Ballads, songs, symphonies?
- Oh, I guess a bit of opera. - Opera. Very well.
Laugh, clown, laugh.
Isn't that cute?
Can't you sing it?
Come on, sing.
Tabernacle doesn't answer, Mr. Hornsby.
Well, phone her apartment again and keep phoning it till you get her.
Please don't make me laugh anymore. I'm sick now.
Why, you haven't seen anything yet. Here, take a card.
- It's the ace of spades. - Uh-huh.
Put it back in the middle.
- Is it in the middle? - Yes.
Take the top card.
Well, how in the world?
Oh, you faker, they're all the ace of spades. I want my money back.
Write me a letter about it.
Oh, I can read it, all right. But you've gotta write it with scissors.
- Scissors? - Yeah.
I told you the hand was quicker than the eye, didn't I? Look.
You know what this is?
It looks like King Tut's will.
It's called Braille.
It's kind of like a Morse code, only the dots are raised,
and you read it with your fingers. Watch.
A book of verses underneath the bough
Here, you try it.
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine And thou beside me
Oh, you faker. You're not reading, you're remembering.
Yes, but I could learn it. It's just like shorthand.
You know, my father dictated all his sermons to me.
Oh, is your father a minister too?
Yes.
Gee, he must be mighty proud of you.
Have?
Have you any folks? Not a soul.
Don't you get lonesome, living here all by yourself?
But I don't live here all by myself. I've got a pal.
Oh, my goodness. I hope we didn't keep him up.
I'll get him. I want you to meet him.
No. Oh, no. Please, some other time.
Oh, Al would never forgive me if I didn't introduce him to you.
Come on, chump, get up out of there.
Come on, I want you to meet a lady.
Leave me alone. I met a lady.
Come on, chump.
All right, all right. But she better be good.
Al, I want you to meet Sister Fallon. Oh, how are you, Sister?
Where you been all my life?
Cut that out, Al.
Oh, go lay an egg. Lay an omelette, will you?
You know, Sister, every time I express myself,
this big dummy tries to step on me.
Mind if I join the party? Come right in.
Lucky break for you, chump.
You know who I am? I'm the skeleton in the closet.
He keeps me locked up until he gets into a jam and then he hauls me out.
No utsgay. No utsgay.
Here, Al. One more crack like that, and I'll put you back in the trunk.
Yeah, you and what piano mover?
I'll bet the chump's been telling you the story of his life.
I'll bet he's been showing off. He always does.
He even thinks he's a ventriloquist.
There you go again, getting personal.
Sure, I'm getting personal.
It's time somebody was getting personal around here.
You know, Sister. I've heard a lot about you.
From whom?
From the sapodil here. That's all he talks about.
Sister this, Sister that and Sister the other.
I wish you'd do me a favour. Now, look here, Al...
Shut up. I'm not talking to you. You let that little boy alone.
I'll be glad to do you a favour. You know me, Al.
See, you, will you keep your mush out of this?
It isn't for me personally. It's for the boyfriend.
You know what's wrong with the slob? He's looking for a job.
Slob. Job. Hey! I'm a poet.
What rhymes with "Sister"? I got it.
"Mister. "
There once was a sister named Flo
All dressed up and no place to go
One night in the rain She ran into a swain
And was she annoyed?
No, no.
You know why he was a stage-door Johnny tonight?
- He wants to go to work for you. - For me?
Not for money. He gets along fine on what the government pays him.
He wants to go to work for you for nothing.
- Ain't that right? - That's right.
Yes, but why should you?
Go on, tell her.
All right, if you don't, I will. It's because you saved his life.
Me? Yeah, you.
The funny part is you didn't know you were doing it.
He was gonna jump right out that window,
but you happened to be on the air at that moment. And you stopped him
with a few well-chosen words about quitters.
Is this true? Certainly, it's true.
I told him the same thing many a time, but he wouldn't listen to me.
As far as I'm concerned, he could've jumped.
Only I didn't wanna be left alone with Mrs. Higgins.
Two is a company, three is a crowd, I always say.
You mean to say that something I said over the radio
actually stopped you from jumping out of the window?
Yeah. I started to go Hamlet, but you kidded me out of it.
Say, couldn't I do something for you? Go to work for you?
Card tricks or something?
Well...
You write music. Do you suppose you could write hymns?
Boy, and could I write hymns. All right, you're hired.
I thank you, and Al thanks you
and I'll be around to the tabernacle first thing in the morning.
Oh, I... I don't think you'd better come to the tabernacle.
Too many people coming in and out all the time.
I think you'd work much better here at home.
Whatever you say.
And then it would sort of give me an excuse
to come and see you once in a while.
Say, if you'll do that, I'll never leave the house.
Well, it's been a lovely visit.
And you taught me how to laugh almost after I'd forgotten how.
Now, you keep out of the rain and don't you go Hamlet anymore, will you?
All right.
- Good night. - Good night.
I'm...
I'm glad I saved your life.
Step up, folks.
Don't miss the big show. Drown your sins in good old gin,
and don't miss the great, one-and-only Miracle Lady.
Oh, dear ones!
The spiel that I have cooked up for you this evening is on the subject of
"Will you have ginger ale, or will you have white rum?"
Come on in, Sister. We're having a swell time.
No sin in the world like mixing drinks!
Yea, brethren and "sistren"...
Oh, hello, Sister. Hallelujah!
Stand back, please.
I phoned your house a dozen times. Where the devil have you been?
Do I have to bring home report cards?
Where did you collect all that garbage?
Now, wait till they warm up.
You told me you wanted a lot of laughs, didn't you?
Say, chief, I hear you're looking for some shills.
They're not paying salaries on our lot, and I'm available.
Yeah? Yes.
Get this for a miracle.
You see, I comes up to Sister like this.
She lays on the healing mitts. I sees the light and...
Hallelujah!
I play the saxophone too. Drop in and see me tomorrow.
Okay, boss.
He's not bad, is he? What's the matter?
I thought you wanted to relax.
Don't you like my party? No.
Now, I'll throw them all out.
And we'll have a nice, quiet little party all by ourselves.
No, thanks. I wanna go home.
Hello, Sister. I'm glad you decided to show up.
I was just telling Hornsby... Lay off!
No, I want her to hear this. She can't pull this Pollyanna stuff on me.
I'm sick of doing the hard work and seeing you two get all the gravy.
Twenty percent to me, and I have to kick back half of that to my chiselers.
And you split 80 percent between you.
I told you that goes to the tabernacle.
Oh, yeah? Well, who's gonna live in it? Santa Claus?
I rate a three-way split. And I'm gonna get it too.
Not from me.
If I don't get it from you, I know where I can get it.
Where? The nearest newspaper office.
Well?
Do I get mine, or must I take up journalism?
You'll get yours.
Okay, baby. Live and let live. That's me.
Wait a minute. I'll take you home. No, thanks.
I don't want any company. Let me alone.
Follow her and see she goes right home.
Now from the whole tabernacle. Did you receive God's message?
Amen!
Glory hallelujah!
Here's your paper, sir.
- Lew? - Yes, sir.
Where does Sister Fallon go every night after services?
Why, home.
Always?
Well, sometimes she likes to go for a drive.
Alone?
Sure. You like your job, don't you?
Certainly. You wanna keep it?
- Yes. - Well, if you do, remember,
the people I like stick around. The people I don't like, don't.
Okay, sir.
And that big, black derby of yours.
You feel pretty good lately, don't you?
Yeah. I guess the climate agrees with me.
It doesn't show in the box office.
Now that business is off, you walk around singing all the time.
Maybe it's because I'm a bad businesswoman.
Maybe.
You rang down early tonight, didn't you?
I'm all in. I wanna go home.
If you'll clear out, I can get dressed now.
Did you read the evening paper? No.
We're on the front page again.
Take a look.
The cops are screwy.
It's a plain case of suicide.
Hornsby, did you have anything to do with this?
Me? Why, I haven't seen Welford in over a week.
I suppose there'll be a couple of dicks around to see us.
If they should happen to get to you when I'm not around,
I advise you not to hold out anything you may know about it.
What could I know about it?
You know as well as I do, he was drinking like a fish.
He was despondent, he had hallucinations.
Briggs, bring in last week's report.
Suicide, plain as day.
Still, I suppose there'll be a couple of cops snooping around.
It might be a good idea for us to call time-out.
What do you mean?
Well, I've been thinking we ought to pull up stakes and get out of here.
You need a change. Not that kind of a change.
No? Well, what do you suggest?
I suggest that you get rid of those shillabers!
We don't need them around here anymore, and I'm through with them.
Is that so? Well, get this.
We made a deal, and it's worked out.
I delivered all I promised you and more.
When I ran into you, you were flat on your back.
Now you've got all the money you want. You've got a swell flat,
a car, a chauffeur,
all the clothes and doodads a woman could possibly want.
What's got into you? What more do you want?
Come on. Come clean.
Come clean, that's what I'd like to do.
We don't need these fakes. I wanna play square.
Then why don't you play square with me. You think I'm blind?
What becomes of you after services every night? Where do you go?
Where I please. You don't own me.
No. But I hold sort of a first mortgage.
And it won't be safe for anyone to try to horn in.
You made a squawk around here about your being a prisoner.
Sure you are, and I'm going to keep you a prisoner,
because I'm nuts about you.
I fell for you the first time I ever saw you.
Let go of me!
Hornsby, if you ever do that again...
We did 8,300 last week, sir.
- Where are you going tonight? - Home.
That's right.
Early to bed and early to rise...
makes a lady healthy and wise.
I think I'll go home myself.
Well...
see you in church.
Home, Mr. Hornsby? No.
Drive me to Sister Fallon's apartment.
Twenty-two, 23, 24.
Many happy returns. Oh, wait.
Don't rush me into another year like that.
It's four more minutes until my birthday.
Just time enough for...
Are you a teetotaller? No, not annoyingly so.
Good.
Here's something I've had for a long time, over ten years.
I got it in Paris.
Real Napoleon. Look.
1804? The year of the great vintage.
Just think. It was bottled over 100 years before you were born.
I've been saving it for something special.
Something particularly, specially, extra special.
Now, if you'll hold your breath for a moment...
Here's looking at you.
Happy birthday!
Speech! Speech!
Mr. Chairman,
Al,
ladies and gentlemen,
unaccustomed as I am to public speaking,
I wanna take this opportunity
to thank our host for this wonderful banquet.
Hear, hear!
I've eaten, I've drank and I've laughed.
And if our host had done nothing else for me,
I should be forever grateful to him because he taught me how to laugh.
I've never had a birthday party before,
and I'll never forget this one, that's a promise.
And it reminds me of a promise I made to a young man
a few weeks ago on the platform of the tabernacle.
- I wonder if he remembers. - He remembers.
With all my heart...
I hope it comes true.
And now we'll hear from our host.
CLEARING THROAT
Ladies and gentlemen.
You too, Al.
I want you all to close your eyes for a moment and keep them closed.
- Now what do you see? - Nothing.
Well, when you can't see the world, you invent one of your own.
And, folks, mine's been a lovely world,
since the guest of the evening came into it.
I've never met anyone like her.
Even before we met, she saved my life.
And since that, she's changed it.
I never thought much about God before.
But I do now. He must be fine and wonderful
if she believes in him.
There! I'm not the one that's gonna bore you with speechmaking tonight.
I'm only here to introduce them.
We have with us tonight a man who is so well-known,
he doesn't need any introduction.
I take great pleasure in presenting...
that bon vivant, that accomplished rake,
that experienced traveller,
the donnest of Don Juans,
the rummiest of Romeos, Aloysius K. Eucalyptus.
Hooray!
Mr. Eucalyptus to you.
Just Uke to you.
Ladies and gentlemen.
You too, Carson.
Naturally, I was asleep
while our distinguished host was addressing you,
which reminds me of the story of the travelling salesman...
Oh, we've heard that one.
- And the farmer's daughter. - We've heard that one too.
Thanking you very much for your kind attention,
ladies and gentlemen, I remain very truly yours, Al.
Good night, kiddies!
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
Have a good time, Sister? Marvellous, Al.
- Are you sober? - Yes, Your Honour.
All right, then, say, "Truly rural. "
Tooly, rooly rural. Acquitted!
Next case.
- Are you sober? - Positively.
Thirty days!
Sister, I was hoping he was lit up too.
Why, Al?
If he was plastered,
he might have nerve enough to tell you something.
Go on, Carson.
Tell her in your own words.
If I could be sure she wouldn't laugh at me.
Suppose she does laugh. Tell her anyway.
Go on, get it off your chest.
I won't laugh.
You hear that? Tell her, Carson.
All she can say is no.
- You tell her, Al. - All right.
Here goes.
Sister, he wants to tell you he...
He...
I must've lost my key someplace.
I'll do as much for you some time.
Thank you.
Have a good time?
You wouldn't be interested.
What do you want? We're bowing out, Sister.
We're blowing this way station on a one-way ticket.
- Not me. I like this town. - So I notice.
But we're going away...
on account of your health.
There's nothing the matter with me.
Oh, yes, you're overworked.
You're on the brink of a nervous collapse.
Don't take my word for it.
Look.
I went out at 4:00 in the morning, especially to get a copy of the paper for you.
"Quitting on doctor's orders. "
And I'm the doctor.
Hornsby, you're going to send out a denial of this story right away.
How come? I'm not going to Palestine.
Of course you're not. The newspapers think it's Palestine.
My idea of the Holy Land is the south of France.
Monte Carlo, champagne, roulette,
and your old pal Hornsby around,
just to keep it from being a Cook's tour.
I'm not going to Monte Carlo with you, or any place else.
I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll compromise with you.
I'll give you your choice of two places:
Monte Carlo or...
jail.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You know this: I always keep my word,
even with the rats like Welford.
And I'm tipping you now, if you don't do as I say,
you'll have a lot of time to regret it.
The penalty for embezzlement in this state is ten years.
You can't scare me that way.
You collected a lot of money to build a tabernacle.
What's become of it?
I don't know. You've had charge of it.
Well, it's collected in your name, was banked in your name. It still is.
You signed all the checks. I got the stubs to prove it.
If larceny doesn't bother you,
how about a little murder trial for your money?
Murder? The more I think of it,
the more it looks to me like Welford was knocked off.
Only tonight, I found out that he was
on his way to a newspaper office when it happened.
He had a lot of dope in a briefcase.
All about you too. How do you know?
I've got the briefcase.
As a good citizen, I ought to turn it over to the police.
You wouldn't dare. No?
Why not? I'm just a faithful employee.
You're the boss.
Poor old Welford.
Must have worked hard to write all that stuff.
It may get into the papers yet...
if you insist.
There must be thousands of people
who contributed to that tabernacle fund.
What a swell dish it will be for them to read the inside story...
of Sister Fallon.
Don't you envy me? I'm going to the River Jordan and maybe swim in it.
And then to Wailing Wall I've read so much about Jerusalem.
I suppose I'll have to do some plain and fancy wailing.
How do you wail?
Ooh!
Come on, you taught me how to laugh. Now teach me how to wail.
My wailer isn't working tonight.
Why didn't you tell me last night you were going away?
Oh, I didn't even know it myself. My manager takes care of all that.
We go every year. It's all part of the routine.
You're not going on account of me, are you?
What do you mean, silly?
I mean, I don't expect...
Well, I have no claim on you.
You know how I... How you...
If you wanted to stay, you needn't ever see me again.
Now, you're not going to go Hamlet again are you?
Listen, I'm taking along a dozen pair of scissors with me to write you with.
And one of these days, I'll be coming back like a bad penny.
Forgive me for being so selfish...
but last night I forgot the thousands of others who need you.
You and I were the only two people in the world.
I even started to think that... Oh...
It's not gonna be the same world for me with you away.
Don't, John.
Just pretend I'm not going.
Darling, you're...
You're crying.
No, I'm not.
God, Florence, I wish I could see your face just once before you go away.
I...
I haven't forgotten.
Dear Father in heaven...
thy first commandment was "Let there be light. "
Oh, God...
please send light to these sightless eyes...
Reward the faith that...
Oh, it's no use, I can't. What's wrong?
Everything is wrong.
I don't know how to play on the level anymore.
God wouldn't believe me under oath.
You see my face now without your eyes.
It's the face of a liar and a hypocrite.
Don't! Don't say things like that.
You wanna know why I'm going away?
It's because I'm a fake. And all those people
who tell about the good things I've done, they're fakes too.
They're paid to testify. It's lies. All lies!
I'm not going away, I'm running away.
What from?
From all those people I've robbed and cheated.
Those people who think I've performed miracles.
Miracles.
I wouldn't even believe in them myself.
The only decent thing I've done since I've known you
is to tell you the truth now.
Honey, it doesn't matter. I love you.
You're fine, you're real. You're not a fake.
Why, you couldn't be. I'll prove it to you.
All those people that love and trust you,
you have helped them. I know you have, because you've helped me.
No, they wouldn't believe it, not even if you got on a platform and told them so.
There's something that's... Something that's changed and frightened you.
Tell me, what is it?
Tell me. I love you, darling. Don't run away. I love you.
Am I intruding?
I'm glad I happened along. I wanted to meet your boyfriend.
Oh, God, he's blind. Yeah?
Well, well, if it isn't my old pal Daniel who stepped up to the lion's cage.
What's Sister doing, been giving you a treatment?
Florence, who is this? Oh, come on, Hornsby, please.
Wait a minute. What's the matter? You're not ashamed of me, are you, Sister?
I'll tell you who I am.
I'm the guy who tells her what to do and she does it.
It's a lucky thing for you, sucker, that you're blind.
I ought to make you see a few stars at that.
Keeping Sister out so late when she's got so many things to do.
Oh, Hornsby, come on, please.
You take Mr. Carson home. I'm going with Mr. Hornsby.
Yes, ma'am.
KNOCKING ON DOOR
Land's sakes. What time is it?
All right, I'm coming.
I'm in your room.
I'm dying of curiosity. What happened?
Mrs. Higgins, will you do something for me without asking questions?
Oh, you do ask the most impossible things.
Come on, get your hat and coat. Where are we going?
To the tabernacle. I want you to bring some matches and a candle.
Candle?
Here's a window.
Where? Over here.
This is it.
Open it.
I can't, it's locked.
It's dirty too.
Cleanliness is next to godliness, I always say.
GLASS SHATTERING
What are you doing that for?
You've broken it.
Oh, I hope there's no policemen about.
What are we doing this for anyway?
Follow me. Me?
Oh, dear.
I don't think I can.
Oh, I'm going to fall. If we're burglars, I don't approve.
Oh, I haven't been through a window for years.
Here. Light this.
Not since I eloped with that... Where are the matches?
- Good-for-nothing sailor.
I don't believe it.
Now show me to Sister Fallon's room. All right.
I hope there are no mice.
Find her room. All right.
WHISPERING "Tabernacle Committee. "
"Sister Fallon, private. " This is it.
Now, what are we going to steal? Nothing.
All I want you to do is to be my eyes.
I want to know this room, every part of it.
What for? So I can pretend I can see.
Now, what's in it?
Well, two armchairs and a couch
and a dressing table... How far to the dressing table?
About six steps.
No, to the left.
This way? That's it.
Why do you want to pretend you can see?
So I can make Sister Fallon believe that she made me see.
And maybe she'll stay.
I want to manufacture a miracle. Now do you understand?
But what good would it do?
What's this? That's a small table.
She'd only find out the next time she saw you.
There are some cigarettes on it.
There won't be any next time. I'm going away.
Now, what's on this side of the room?
A large table.
How far?
About three steps.
But if you're going away, why do you want her to stay?
What's this? It's a picture of someone.
There's something written on it too.
Read it for me.
"To Florence, with love from her daddy. "
Ah, isn't that nice?
Put it back where it was, please.
And sit down and tell me if I've got this thing straight.
Dressing table.
That's it.
Cigarette.
Picture.
That's right.
More telegrams, Sister. Look.
Telegrams from all over the world.
Do you want the whole band for tonight, Mr. Hornsby?
Certainly, the whole band. What do you think this is?
Answer the telephone, somebody.
Sure you can, madam, in half an hour.
The place is packed, Mr. Hornsby. Shall I put chairs on the stage?
- Nothing doing, stand them up. - All right, I'll stand them up.
Oh, Mr. Hornsby, we'd like to say goodbye...
I'm sorry, you can't see Sister now. She's all worn out.
- You wanted me, Mr. Hornsby? - Yes. Send the gang in.
Yes. Yes.
The photographer's here? Okay.
Say, Brown, you better do your stuff tonight, or else you won't eat.
Hello. Operator? Keep the people off this wire for a few minutes, will you?
Go out there, Brown, and keep the rest of the people from coming in.
All right.
Now get this. We wanna make this farewell sermon of Sister's
the greatest thing that she's ever had.
Remember what George M. Cohan said,
"Always leave them laughing when you say goodbye. "
Now, Georgie was a great showman, but I'm gonna go him one better.
I'm gonna leave them all crying.
There's been a lot of money spent on flowers tonight.
I want those flowers watered with tears.
I want those tremolo stops pulled wide open.
Let's give Sister a farewell she'll never forget.
She deserves it. And it won't hurt the free-will offerings either.
Now get out of here and give me the best you can. Go on, get out. Beat it.
Take the flowers with you. Take those flowers. Hurry up now. Step to it.
That's it. Come on.
Come on, kid, buck up. I know how you feel.
I'd be blue myself if it wasn't for the good times we're gonna have together.
The Riviera, baby.
The only thing blue down there is the Mediterranean.
And, Sister, how blue that is.
It won't be long now, honey.
Sister, Sister! A miracle! A miracle!
Seeing is believing, I always say, and I wouldn't have believed it
if I hadn't seen it with me own eyes.
John can see, Sister. John can see!
Oh, bless you, Sister. He's so happy. He's like a little boy again.
He's coming here to see you, Sister, and no cane.
No cane. Wait right here, Sister. I'll bring him to you.
He's outside now. Don't move. I'll bring him here.
She's there and alone. What's she got on?
Her hair isn't done up yet.
She's got on the white robe with the white shoes.
And there's a signet ring on her right hand.
And she's standing by the dressing table.
Get in there, quick, before anybody comes.
You wait for me in the cab. You got to take me to the depot.
Cab, nothing. I'll stand watch here and keep people out.
Take those flowers up on the stage.
- Yes, sir. - Hurry it up.
This is it. Think I can make it all right?
Of course you can. Good luck and God bless you.
I pray for you, and keep my fingers crossed.
- John. - Florence.
I had to see you. I couldn't let you go away without knowing.
Your prayer worked. I can see.
I can see you now. You're beautiful, just as I've always dreamed you.
You've got a white dress on. Your hair is down your back.
It's brown. Your eyes are blue.
There's a ring on your finger. It's a signet ring.
Watch how well I can get around.
See? Standing.
Sitting, standing. It's the funniest feeling.
It's like learning to walk all over again.
There's a picture.
Why, it's a picture of your father,
with an inscription on it. I'll read it to you.
It says, "To Florence, with love from her daddy. "
See, isn't it wonderful?
You won't have to write me letters with scissors anymore.
John, you've got to come up on the platform with me tonight.
Oh, I'd like to, but I can't.
I've gotta make a train. I'm leaving town tonight.
Why are you going away?
Well, there's something I've got to do. And...
Oh, please don't ask me to go up there.
I don't wanna advertise it. It's sort of a private miracle.
- What time is your train leaving? - Nine o'clock.
What time is it now?
- Well, I... - By that clock.
Clock? What clock?
Seven-thirty.
Another miracle.
Oh, I know it's hard for you to believe.
I can hardly believe it myself.
When something like this happens you've got to believe it.
Oh, don't go away, Florence. Don't leave.
All these people need you.
Don't you see all the good you're doing?
Florence.
Oh, it's all right, John. It doesn't matter.
I'm sorry. I guess you can't make miracles to order.
Yes, you can. You've done it.
You've made me see.
And you were going away so I'd never find out.
- You can't go in there. - What's the matter?
You mustn't go in there, I say. There's a miracle going on.
Sister's just made a blind man see. Get out of the way.
Sorry to butt in on a miracle, Sister.
But there are customers out there waiting to say goodbye.
I'm not saying goodbye to them tonight.
But I'm saying goodbye to you. Yeah?
I'm not afraid of you anymore. You can't hurt me.
You can do anything you please, but it doesn't matter.
Where are you going? Up there on that platform
to tell those people the truth. To tell them what a liar and cheat I've been.
And neither you nor anybody else is gonna stop me.
You're nuts. They'll tear you to pieces.
You're through telling me what to do. Let me go!
I will... Let her go.
Sister! Sister!
Oh, you can see now, eh?
Well, take a look at this one.
What a hand she got!
The grace of our Lord be with you all.
- Amen. - Amen.
If you only knew, those roses you threw at me tonight
might have been stones.
During the past few months, many of you have come up here
to confess your sins and tell how you were saved.
Tonight, I'm gonna tell you how I sinned and how I was saved.
I've wandered far away from God...
and now I'm coming home. Cut off those lights.
But, boss... Cut off those lights.
Fire! Fire!
Fire!
God's here with us. Don't be afraid.
Sister! Sister!
Band, play "Onward, Christian Soldiers"!
Choir, sing!
Sing "Onward, Christian Soldiers"! Everybody, sing!
If you believe in God, sing!
Fire can't hurt you! Nothing can stop you!
If you trust and have faith in God, tell him so!
If you have faith and trust in God, sing!
Sing, everyone!
Everybody, march out! You're all protected!
Everybody, sing!
If you have faith and trust in God, sing!
Sing "Onward, Christian Soldiers"! March out, everybody!
March out!
Florence!
Everybody, march out! You're all protected!
Fire can't hurt you! Nothing can stop you!
- Florence! - John!
Florence, where are you?
Here I am. Florence!
Florence.
Where are you, Florence?
Florence.
Our Father, who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come Thy will be done
On Earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those Who trespass against us
But lead us not into temptation And deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom The power, and the glory
Forever and ever Amen
Look out. You'll get knocked out before you get in the ring.
When I named you Gunboat, I must've been thinking of the Swiss navy.
Six months I've been feeding you, and you haven't won a fight for me yet.
But, boss, give me a chance...
If you don't knock out that mug tonight,
I'm gonna drop you back in the ashcan where I found you.
I can't waste my time with second-raters.
Oh, never mind. I'm ready to fight.
- How are you, chief? - Hi.
What about those left hooks I've been showing you?
When you get in the ring, all you do is throw a lot of rights.
Where do you suppose Dempsey would be without his left hook?
- But I gotta hit... - Oh, shut up.
What's all this crowd for?
Holy smoke.
All right, everybody line up quickly for the open air.
All right, drummers.
And she gave up a million bucks for that.
The poor sap.